He still didn’t know how he felt about what had happened at Allison’s flat, apart from being sorry for having distressed her – and not just because of the immeidate consequences. She had been justified in being upset, of course. He knew that. She had been entitled to punish him, hadn’t she? He hadn’t meant to worry her but he had been thoughtless and she had obviously been concerned.If it hadn’t been for that what would he have thought of the session? Her peremptory commands, the sense of her barely contained anger, the feeling that she was taking no notice of any objection he might have to the way she was treating him – all these played directly on Lionel’s fantasies. Being bound and beaten? Well, to be taken captive by her had been arousing. The beating less so but being held across her lap as she brought the spatula down time after time had seemed somehow unavoidable, necessary even.And what of what happened afterwards?He wondered if his cheeks looked red. They felt red, almost. I awaited the right moment, enjoying the thrill of exposing myself against all mores of my Christian family and community. What would they say if they knew of my affinity for exposing myself to the countryside for the mere sensual indulgence? Nothing good.Gazing out across the fields, the flowing acres of wheat and barley that sustained my family waved happily in the Sunday breeze. It was my custom to walk the rough after church. The solitude eased my disposition, which so many graded as quarrelsome, though what I felt in my heart was more passion of nature and thought. And, a freedom to roister in the broad vista of ideas in the world. Why constrain my body with clothing, but to save the snickering of foul boys, the sideways glance of pious men, and the fear of women whose bodies sagged with age and wear, afraid their husbands might prefer the sight of my nakedness to theirs? I defied them with my bare breasts, a mere eighteen years, already efficacious enough to move the world.
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